November 18th, 2006

the attack

it's saturday, november 18, 2006, 5:20 pm. the humorous speech contest of this year's district 59's autumn conference is about to kick off. the highlight of a day full of great performances. 250 toastmasters from all over the place have made it to nuremberg, the host town. anibar, the humorous speech contest master gives final instructions to a crowd of nine winners. they all proceeded to higher levels; first the club level, then the area, then the division. today it's district 59, the european zone of an ever growing organization.

the four ladies and five guys look tense. deep in thoughts, they all go through their speeches again and again. do not forget to say this, do not leave out that. should i still include the other part? what if they don't laugh? what if i forget the order? what if i fail?

all day long i've been trying to figure out how to get together my beamer presentation, the props and the stage scenario. two thirds of my ten meter stage are cut of due to the beamer. how can i stay on stage and click forward down there? i go for the option number 3: begin onstage and step down for the first click. then i have to present the props anyway, which i'm going to position right in the center, in front of that isle that cuts the huge conference room into two equal pieces.

in the draw i picked number one. great... we all are waiting backstage in that hardly illuminated hallway. everybody's walking around nervously. it's amazing. whatever you feel like; calm, relaxed, self-confident... when showtime knocks on the door, stage fright is your closest friend.

i can hear anibar presenting the instructions and rules. then he says: "...the first contestant florian mück..." - showtime!

i'm walking out there. i try to avoid looking at this wall of people. 250 people is something different from 18 tm's at the bbc... i can hear first giggling. this means, my outfit works at least. i used dark blue makeup from edith for my eyes. i look so tired now. my shirt is lolling on one side. one sleeve is rolled up. the tie is hanging loose.

one last click on the laptop and the title "the attack" appears on the screen. i'm getting up onstage. anibar says what he has to say... "florian mück, the attack - the attack, florian mück"... i position myself at the edge of the stage, rise my right arm, point with the finger to the ceiling, look up there and say with a firm voice: "at the peak of the fifth century, attila the hun attacked two thirds of europe..."

from the start, the speech flows smoothly. first laughter fills the room quickly. and that's not the last one. actually, they are laughing all the time. what a great feeling. immense laughter when i shoot the highlights at them; the milk pump, the crying, the fatigue facial expressions. i go to the left wing, i go to the right wing, slowly, not hesitating. eye contact. keep the eye contact. i learned my lessons from the earlier levels. when i demonstrate the milk pump i shout out: "sorry guys in the last rows, that is something for first rowers only!" i interact with that lady who's laughing like a maniac when i say: "even if i have to wear shades on a foggy day..." i see their entertained faces. happy faces. they enjoy my speech. what a feeling. better then sex, almost.

i say my final words "and we... surrendered!" then i get what i earned hard: a long and lasting applause...

fm